Part II- The Trump Visit


Hour 1

July, 2018

Ack and those ugly wheels are leaving the airport. Merely minutes ago, comb over spiraling strangely in the wind of the thunderstorm that blew in along with him, Trump had to have the Kenyan President himself point out where it says “sign” in the official state guest book. Melanie Trump seemed heavily medicated, clinging like a spider to the arm of the first lady.

Minutes following this strange neo-colonial tableau, secret service agents were reportedly seen at Madhouse in the CBD, feeding cocaine into the nostrils of Jared Kushner, freshly divorced from Ivanka after widespread speculation that he had given fellatio to the Donald during a civil rights prayer breakfast intermission.

This wouldn’t play as well as Obama’s clash with Uhuru over gay rights in 2015, many were afraid that Trump would confront the issue with the usual tact of a cocaine-wired donkey; spitting rudely about fake news and blow jobs in a joint press conference to the international press corps on the State House front lawn.

The signs keep on flying past in a Technicolor blur as the presidential conveys speed past on Waiyaki Way, nearly running over an old woman who dared try to cross the road in the face of fascism (she was promptly scooped up by members of the US marine corps who’d been stationed with rifles on the roof of the KICC for at least 72 hours before the hour of Trump’s African reckoning).

The Kenyan President accompanied the Donald in his supped up tank limousine, peering out the window with a look that can only be described as ‘resigned desperation’ by those who saw it as it swerved past, splashing girls choirs and choreographed dancers that were bused in from Mtwapa to meet the Trump with a ‘traditional welcome’.

What ever could be on the agenda? Trump had shown a startling lack of awareness in recent weeks asking if the AU was a social club for wealthy South African corporate leaders. Perhaps most disturbing was his rumoured desire to have the military clear out Dadaab because ‘bad people, the worst people lived there’ and ‘refugees aren’t real, so fake, big lies’.

Now the cars are flying up State House road and are due to pull in the leafy gates of State House at any second.


Alex Roberts
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Alex Roberts is a Nairobi based freelance journalist who, when not writing rants, beautiful articles or screaming at Trump on Facebook is pursuing a masters degree at USIU